Tag Archives: Life

For more Ticks than Crosses

11 Aug

“Night falls fast. Today is in the past.”

– Edna St. Vincent Millay

[From her poem – Not so Far as the Forest]

 

The throbbing beats of rain in the backdrop, coffee and solitude accompanied by the enormity of these words took me to another level of ponderance and realization.

The stark brevity of time struck me like never before.

A few years back, as I entered B-school, I could not help thinking about the long path ahead and yearning – the dreams and goals seemed miles and years away. And now, after more than six years-it seems like yesterday-as if the days have passed at the snap of fingers.

This is just one example.

Really, each and everyday-how the sun rises and sets in seemingly, the blink of an eye and before we know – as we close our eyes, today has already transformed into yesterday.

Embracing the reality of such a short life, brings with it so many life-transforming insights: Living by the Day, Grabbing as many Experiences as possible, the Power of being Happy and Positive,  Loving as much and as many as one can, etc. but at the top of it all lies Discipline!

No, not the ‘Always-be-prim-and-proper-and-I-hate-fun” sort of Discipline, but the Discipline of Time: Staying up and about as much as one can-Valuing and utilizing each moment!
Because with procrastination and wasting time-one just kills their dreams and passions one by one.

Dreams are always a perhaps-and its ironical how without giving time to them, we ourselves strangle them to death and then lament the lack of time and luck and support 🙂

And with being disciplined, we end up making way for satisfaction (personally and professionally) and consequently, the other stuff – Love, Goodness, Happiness …

Rarity always precedes Preciousness. How can we be foolish enough to waste something as valuable as time, when it is so absolutely obvious?

Think and Feel.

 

P.S: I believe I realized the value of time subconsciously some months back; and made major lifestyle changes – And yes, it works: the To-Do list is endless, but there are certainly more Ticks than Crosses now 🙂

 

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Imprints in Time

5 Jun

We have come a long way …
from those foolhardy days,
When naive and eloquent:
every thought we would question;
And oh! so bold –
every next chance our heart would leap to take;

Sure, we have come a long way
Yet, my heart visits those imprints in time
Just to feel alive,
Reminiscing the paths where real glory lay.






P.S: The categorization in both “Poems” and “Short Stories” is intentional. I believe the romantics at heart would know why!

Accidentally, in love forever

3 May

Well, a liaison of merely two to three hours daily for the last five days – and I am in love; Deep and Profound – doing activities I never imagined, feeling an unprecedented peace of mind every afternoon – hot and sultry weather dutifully ignored.

A love, that is forever!

It is Yoga this time – circumstantially thrown into the web, I started off on a neutral note and it is not even a week, I revel in the joy of having found something I know I would love and hold on to for lifetime.

(Okay, I am all prepared for the truck load of messages saying: “I asked you to start it earlier”, “I had said so, na..”, etc. )

Holding on to a sling with the leg , head upside down – hold for ten minutes! One leg over the other at 120 degrees – come on, it is only 5 counts, supporting the kilos of weight on one leg and an elbow – oh! just a minute.
All of it is a  feat for me – Dear Yoga practitioners, please pardon my pride – but people who share my plight of unspeakable extra fat and flab with laziness thrown in, will understand.

So why all this blabber?
This sudden love story has enlightened me in the ways of the world in many more ways
(Apart from “Bas, ab main bhi patli hoke dikhaunngi…  “ Shhhhh.. that’s a secret!)

1) Lesson No. 1 – We need to have a passion in life (which does not depend on another living soul) that takes us away from the loose ends of daily living and invites us for a dive into an inner peace.
Of course, not to mention – it helps in hanging on to the last string of sanity when nothing else in life is working out.

Well, not for long but the couple of hours take me away from all worries and I would love to discover more such activities. It also feeds the need to find my personal space amidst the societal demands.

It can be Painting or TRX or Cooking or Recycling for you!

2) The cause and cure behind the worst weakness of all – Procrastination

This entire feeling of liking an activity as much to commit to it for life has given me an insight into procrastination – I have started to believe we dither tasks when we do not really enjoy an activity to the core. If we really love something, we will feel motivated and find time for it.

Hence, if you are sick of lying around with the list of to-dos – please keep trying something or other, till you discover what you love enough to stop lazing around.

3) Bottom Line – Human Beings are meant to move around and toil hard. Sitting away to glory, thanks to all the technological progress, is just going to make the after-years difficult
(This one is especially for the professionals)

We really do not know what we can do, till we try. It is important to keep believing, looking ahead and trying new things (well, this holds true for people too) because you never know what (or, who) is waiting around the corner to fill your life with some passion and become a confidante forever.

After all, life is meant to be full of passionate experiences: well lived and not merely existed!

🙂

P.S: Do post in your comments, if there is anything you have discovered to be as fulfilling or if you have gone through the same emotions on finding a new love.

They met again …

17 Apr

They would keep in touch – they had promised.  He had failed to keep the promise.

It was seven years now.
He recognized her immediately: That twinkle in the eyes, The way she tilted her head when she spoke. The incessant smile. The tapping of fingers. Those eyes lingering over the kids.
Seemed nothing had changed. 

Time froze. The three hours passed in a jiffy.
She never mentioned the un-reverted attempts to get in touch. There was so much to catch up with.

They parted. Goodbyes – promises made again.
He smiled faintly.
He recognized her. But he had stopped knowing her.

The Tug of War !

1 Apr

After more than 5 years of blissful independence and exploring life and self, being at home is being in another world you knew existed but you thought you would never completely immerse into. Well, life takes you through unplanned routes once in a while – I think I can put together a chronicle on this change: the virtues and vices, the hiccups and benefits, the laughter and the sadness…

Before I start ranting, this is one of the few non-fictional posts – it is real contemplation and well, on an honest note – it feels extremely difficult to put down your very personal self in public space. For some unknown reason, I know I have to.

The last three months have seen me staying under the loving, caring gaze of my parents – this carefreeness begets self-exploration of a different kind – the kind I only read/ heard and ignored – hearing to yourself when alone and accepting it.

So, one of the biggest realizations has been the importance of people in my life – the kind you can talk to about nothing and everything and the biggest learning has been how to maintain and develop relationships.

Well, I have been blessed with absolutely wonderful people in my life, and I always appreciated that.

At the same time, I used to think I am this independent, liberated woman who can spend quality time all by herself but it all went into dumps in the past three months. I realized that I am madly and whole-heartedly dependent on my family and friends to the extent of being possessive, demanding, over-expecting and all other things people term as “insecure”. Talking to them, staying updated about their lives, craving for their time, waiting for the phone to beep – “Oh! God, please even a one-word message will do!” – became utmost important in these 3 months. Unnerving this realisation is – absolutely! Is it really me? Am I crazy? Was it me who earlier used to snigger at such behavior?
And being non-confrontational by nature just added to it.

Well, well – as many wise men have advised, accept the truth.

So, I accepted that I am not a happy loner – I need people around and then, it started feeling good. Now the difficult part.

Home alone, no deadlines, no real work, the ‘bed-food-books-movie’ routine, hence a lot of free time to wonder (yes, crave to wander too), remember, day-dream, quite some topics floating in the mind to talk and discuss and a lot of time in silence craving to be shared.

The flip-side: everyone except your parents are still living by their previous schedules and you have more time than they have. The previous perfect equation of time has turned into inequality. All it led to was self-doubt and worse still, doubt in relationships.

But then, I quickly got over it and learnt the ultimate mantra on how to maintain my relationships. When it comes to people you love, “you need to be extremely patient with them, and equally impatient with yourself.”

What? How? Why?

Yes, I am this super believer in love – every damn kind of love. And so, when it comes to your close ones, you need to be so impatient with yourself that you pursue perfection in as little time as possible with a passion little known – perfection as a friend, as a sibling, as a child, as a lover, etc., perfection such that you leave little chance of complaints, perfection that is so empowering that you know you have given the best, perfection such that the time you spend together with them is bliss of a different level – laughter and fun and memories. You become perfect in being secure, in being able to appeal to their best nature, in perfectly loving your own self to give them your best. Given that, I do believe in a little room for fights (which exist because you are “yourself”) as a part of this utopia.

And when it comes to the other person, you have to be patient enough to give some space, to let them realize their true feelings for you, to let them explore life beyond you so that they can decide for themselves, to allow them the time to unfold and see your depth of feelings for them, to let them just be and to accept them as they change when life progresses. Cliche as it may be – it is not in the amount of hours spent together but in the depth of feelings and immovable trust that relationships foster.

And of course, the best part is that now I am turning into a truly happy loner doing other things that I love, knowing deep down that I love my people and they are with me even when silent.

 

P.S: On a lighter note – Is this permanent, considering how constantly I change?

The God in ‘small things’

23 Mar

No, this is not remotely connected to Arundhati Roy’s “The God of Small Things”, and my lines won’t propagate the role of smaller things in yet another rant on success vs. happiness.

Straight to the point. As I type these words, I wonder aloud about how sharing, discussing and communicating the “small things” define our relationships.

My observations and introspections have made me believe that the closer one gets to people, the closer one tends to share the smaller things in life. Take your family, your best friends, your partner, your lover – you would have moved on from discussing about the Gods and Demigods in life – the dreams, the insecurities, the past, the big moments to the smaller daily matters – the dog, the joke, daily menu, the boss, the same irritating neighbor, the same daily work day, the television serial, the ride back home, et. al. You talk daily about the same old things, you also want to hear about the same old things ever single day. And is it boring? – No! They feel like a tune, a melody that is a part of you, the fuel that energizes your everyday life and keeps you calm because you know everything is all right with your loved one, the world is still the same, somewhere you are still “you” and most importantly, there is someone out there you do not have to think about entertaining before speaking to – they revel in your sweet nothings.

When I delve deeper, these are not the petty things alone – but the smaller things tend to lead to the smaller feelings and with that, there is only space for so much more comfort in your relationships day by day.

Think about how your best friend just knew how you must have felt even when you narrated the job interview hours later, how you can just communicate your slightest irritation by snapping at your mother, your lover can just identify the silence of your soul disguised in the high-pitched laughter … beautiful realizations that started by sharing the “smaller things” in life.

Aren’t there times when after closing the call – you wonder how far we have come? I also discussed the less “haldi” in the food today and did I really end up describing the stink of the garbage …

Well, well, well … the God in the smaller things … the immutable, irrepressible love that grows with time, that grows with sharing, that grows with communicating the small things … that permeates each and every moment of our daily existence.

Ironically, how vulnerable we get – how we seek the presence of the special someones’ every moment of the day. And the mayhem it creates when someone leaves or decides to leave, bringing with it a daily struggle to keep missing him/ her every moment of the day –

But then, the feeling of love that sharing your daily life with someone brings – isn’t it worth taking the risk?

P.S: Another thought: From the other side of the table – before leaving someone or giving up on someone by submitting to impatience, ego, misunderstandings, negativity and pride, always remember you can make or break people who love you. Spare a thought for the smaller, deeper things and feelings you shared.

 

Clouded

11 Mar

Engulfed by nothing and everything,
Just sitting upright –
staring into the nothingness of the cloudy, starry night
From within the walls of the room:
invisible fetters gnawing deep into the soul
Choking – Strangling – helplessly Hoping
to bask in the moonlight
to soar through the dreamy sky

Minutes, Hours – time just passed by
no movement – not even a flinch.
What do they think?
What do they seek?
What remains, what has faded –
Under that starry night – sitting still:
It is all still just clouded.

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