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For more Ticks than Crosses

11 Aug

“Night falls fast. Today is in the past.”

– Edna St. Vincent Millay

[From her poem – Not so Far as the Forest]

 

The throbbing beats of rain in the backdrop, coffee and solitude accompanied by the enormity of these words took me to another level of ponderance and realization.

The stark brevity of time struck me like never before.

A few years back, as I entered B-school, I could not help thinking about the long path ahead and yearning – the dreams and goals seemed miles and years away. And now, after more than six years-it seems like yesterday-as if the days have passed at the snap of fingers.

This is just one example.

Really, each and everyday-how the sun rises and sets in seemingly, the blink of an eye and before we know – as we close our eyes, today has already transformed into yesterday.

Embracing the reality of such a short life, brings with it so many life-transforming insights: Living by the Day, Grabbing as many Experiences as possible, the Power of being Happy and Positive,  Loving as much and as many as one can, etc. but at the top of it all lies Discipline!

No, not the ‘Always-be-prim-and-proper-and-I-hate-fun” sort of Discipline, but the Discipline of Time: Staying up and about as much as one can-Valuing and utilizing each moment!
Because with procrastination and wasting time-one just kills their dreams and passions one by one.

Dreams are always a perhaps-and its ironical how without giving time to them, we ourselves strangle them to death and then lament the lack of time and luck and support 🙂

And with being disciplined, we end up making way for satisfaction (personally and professionally) and consequently, the other stuff – Love, Goodness, Happiness …

Rarity always precedes Preciousness. How can we be foolish enough to waste something as valuable as time, when it is so absolutely obvious?

Think and Feel.

 

P.S: I believe I realized the value of time subconsciously some months back; and made major lifestyle changes – And yes, it works: the To-Do list is endless, but there are certainly more Ticks than Crosses now 🙂

 

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Accidentally, in love forever

3 May

Well, a liaison of merely two to three hours daily for the last five days – and I am in love; Deep and Profound – doing activities I never imagined, feeling an unprecedented peace of mind every afternoon – hot and sultry weather dutifully ignored.

A love, that is forever!

It is Yoga this time – circumstantially thrown into the web, I started off on a neutral note and it is not even a week, I revel in the joy of having found something I know I would love and hold on to for lifetime.

(Okay, I am all prepared for the truck load of messages saying: “I asked you to start it earlier”, “I had said so, na..”, etc. )

Holding on to a sling with the leg , head upside down – hold for ten minutes! One leg over the other at 120 degrees – come on, it is only 5 counts, supporting the kilos of weight on one leg and an elbow – oh! just a minute.
All of it is a  feat for me – Dear Yoga practitioners, please pardon my pride – but people who share my plight of unspeakable extra fat and flab with laziness thrown in, will understand.

So why all this blabber?
This sudden love story has enlightened me in the ways of the world in many more ways
(Apart from “Bas, ab main bhi patli hoke dikhaunngi…  “ Shhhhh.. that’s a secret!)

1) Lesson No. 1 – We need to have a passion in life (which does not depend on another living soul) that takes us away from the loose ends of daily living and invites us for a dive into an inner peace.
Of course, not to mention – it helps in hanging on to the last string of sanity when nothing else in life is working out.

Well, not for long but the couple of hours take me away from all worries and I would love to discover more such activities. It also feeds the need to find my personal space amidst the societal demands.

It can be Painting or TRX or Cooking or Recycling for you!

2) The cause and cure behind the worst weakness of all – Procrastination

This entire feeling of liking an activity as much to commit to it for life has given me an insight into procrastination – I have started to believe we dither tasks when we do not really enjoy an activity to the core. If we really love something, we will feel motivated and find time for it.

Hence, if you are sick of lying around with the list of to-dos – please keep trying something or other, till you discover what you love enough to stop lazing around.

3) Bottom Line – Human Beings are meant to move around and toil hard. Sitting away to glory, thanks to all the technological progress, is just going to make the after-years difficult
(This one is especially for the professionals)

We really do not know what we can do, till we try. It is important to keep believing, looking ahead and trying new things (well, this holds true for people too) because you never know what (or, who) is waiting around the corner to fill your life with some passion and become a confidante forever.

After all, life is meant to be full of passionate experiences: well lived and not merely existed!

🙂

P.S: Do post in your comments, if there is anything you have discovered to be as fulfilling or if you have gone through the same emotions on finding a new love.

The Tug of War !

1 Apr

After more than 5 years of blissful independence and exploring life and self, being at home is being in another world you knew existed but you thought you would never completely immerse into. Well, life takes you through unplanned routes once in a while – I think I can put together a chronicle on this change: the virtues and vices, the hiccups and benefits, the laughter and the sadness…

Before I start ranting, this is one of the few non-fictional posts – it is real contemplation and well, on an honest note – it feels extremely difficult to put down your very personal self in public space. For some unknown reason, I know I have to.

The last three months have seen me staying under the loving, caring gaze of my parents – this carefreeness begets self-exploration of a different kind – the kind I only read/ heard and ignored – hearing to yourself when alone and accepting it.

So, one of the biggest realizations has been the importance of people in my life – the kind you can talk to about nothing and everything and the biggest learning has been how to maintain and develop relationships.

Well, I have been blessed with absolutely wonderful people in my life, and I always appreciated that.

At the same time, I used to think I am this independent, liberated woman who can spend quality time all by herself but it all went into dumps in the past three months. I realized that I am madly and whole-heartedly dependent on my family and friends to the extent of being possessive, demanding, over-expecting and all other things people term as “insecure”. Talking to them, staying updated about their lives, craving for their time, waiting for the phone to beep – “Oh! God, please even a one-word message will do!” – became utmost important in these 3 months. Unnerving this realisation is – absolutely! Is it really me? Am I crazy? Was it me who earlier used to snigger at such behavior?
And being non-confrontational by nature just added to it.

Well, well – as many wise men have advised, accept the truth.

So, I accepted that I am not a happy loner – I need people around and then, it started feeling good. Now the difficult part.

Home alone, no deadlines, no real work, the ‘bed-food-books-movie’ routine, hence a lot of free time to wonder (yes, crave to wander too), remember, day-dream, quite some topics floating in the mind to talk and discuss and a lot of time in silence craving to be shared.

The flip-side: everyone except your parents are still living by their previous schedules and you have more time than they have. The previous perfect equation of time has turned into inequality. All it led to was self-doubt and worse still, doubt in relationships.

But then, I quickly got over it and learnt the ultimate mantra on how to maintain my relationships. When it comes to people you love, “you need to be extremely patient with them, and equally impatient with yourself.”

What? How? Why?

Yes, I am this super believer in love – every damn kind of love. And so, when it comes to your close ones, you need to be so impatient with yourself that you pursue perfection in as little time as possible with a passion little known – perfection as a friend, as a sibling, as a child, as a lover, etc., perfection such that you leave little chance of complaints, perfection that is so empowering that you know you have given the best, perfection such that the time you spend together with them is bliss of a different level – laughter and fun and memories. You become perfect in being secure, in being able to appeal to their best nature, in perfectly loving your own self to give them your best. Given that, I do believe in a little room for fights (which exist because you are “yourself”) as a part of this utopia.

And when it comes to the other person, you have to be patient enough to give some space, to let them realize their true feelings for you, to let them explore life beyond you so that they can decide for themselves, to allow them the time to unfold and see your depth of feelings for them, to let them just be and to accept them as they change when life progresses. Cliche as it may be – it is not in the amount of hours spent together but in the depth of feelings and immovable trust that relationships foster.

And of course, the best part is that now I am turning into a truly happy loner doing other things that I love, knowing deep down that I love my people and they are with me even when silent.

 

P.S: On a lighter note – Is this permanent, considering how constantly I change?

Freedom

28 Feb

Hopping on to the scooty –
for a ride in the moonlit sky;
Hair unkempt,  dressed in pajamas –
Hogging to heart’s content in that upscale hotel

Listening to those songs just to cry
Dancing in the rain, no care for those party clothes
Feeling glory in being a one-man fan club
Hugging in a crowd without any hiccup

Meaning praises even for the egotist blokes
Embracing feelings as they unfold
Expressing love without remorse
Confessing weaknesses – no fear of loss

Charades of abuses – no regret, no fear
Crying to your heart’s content –
Accepting mistakes of the past
Then moving on in full gear

Being what you please,
Only yourself to appease
Following your soul, discovering our skills
Living to experiment all you will

Looking straight into eyes’ that pry –
Not having to live in the sly
Voice mirroring what lies inside
All of it is freedom sans any guise.

Savour the Flavour !

15 Feb

Each person in our life is a distinct emotion
– each one as special as the other. Enjoy them to the tiniest possible iota.”
[Bhawana  :P]

– A realization that has made my life so blessed and beautiful!

Each individual is like a blend of different flavors, hues and emotions – mixed, ground and heated in varied quantities to form a completely unique blend! Yin and Yang, Good and Bad, Positive and Negative, Dark and Light … all sides equally essential and attractive.
These are not just idealistic or romantic lines but when you really think, it is very near the truth (if not whole truth). 

Getting to understand and imbibe this perspective has made me so much happier!

1) You know you will never get another same fellow again and you want to know him/ her more sans any judgment and comparison. It just makes conversations so interesting and relationships so pure! It is just you and the other person.

2) You are always on the lookout of identifying that distinct emotion and ultimately there is one or other part of you that identifies with another fellow.
Precisely the reason why I have quite some close friends – there are different topics, ideologies, characteristics that I can identify and share with each of them. And I cannot define the fullness one feels, when you can share almost every aspect of your life with one or other.

3) You are always open to people, open to listening, open to yet more love – It is like – “Okay, so the last emotion did not go down well with you … Well, do not worry – The next one, for sure, just won’t be the same. Open your heart up, silly.”

4) It just makes life so much more exciting and adventurous and vibrant. After all, the biggest cliché of all times: Man is a social animal 😛

5) We learn new things from each individual and add so many new dimensions to our lives!

And to further add to it, one fact extremely hard (yet, essential) to gulp down is that we just cannot force love or make anyone stay when they do not wish to – even if we do, they would be with us not in essence, but just in person. And this further enhances each relationship.

1) You do not know if one will stay forever so you want to make as many memories as possible. And when it comes between your ego and his/ her ego – it appears as a choice between your ego and happy memories. You are, of course, wise enough to choose what will make you happier!

2) Many of us have experienced this at one point of time:  We change for people, do everything another wants (whether we ourselves are convinced or not) just so that the other person stays and still, in the end we lose – not just the other person but ourselves! In hindsight, losing oneself and the time spent in mayhem seems to be the greater disaster.

Realizing that one will stay only if he/ she wishes to, just makes us so much more honest and we can just be. Happy in the glory that I will not change myself if my heart is not convinced.

3) You are just so much more secure of yourself, a little less scared of losing yourself even while expressing what you feel.

People argue what’s the point in opening yourself to others if there are chances of losing, of getting hurt – Well, I believe in clichés:

– Don’t we want to accumulate all the best things in life? Staying mediocre for the fear of getting hurt, which may not even be the case ! Silly, ain’t it?

– The more we interact with others, the more we introspect, the more we know ourselves.

– Pure joy of being with people. And life is meant to be joyous!

So ‘Savour the Flavour’ while you can and yes, while being yourself do your best to ensure that you retain every ‘distinct emotion’ in your life. But if they walk out – you know you did your best and you have tons more to know out there and you better get going quickly.

P.S: It may seem like an odd post , but the three reasons that prompted me to write these musings: 

1) It was Valentines’ Day and I saw a fair amount of disguised hate messages on Social Media among the mushy ones – indirect messages in the hope to maybe communicate one’s rage/ feelings to another person they are no longer talking to or to let people know they were in the wrong and are not needed anymore or perhaps just to proclaim out loud and make themselves feel better about not having few people in their lives anymore.
Very human and honest, I feel. But we can do better.

2) Two of my closest friends love pulling my leg over one topic (as often as they can, well sometimes – mixed with sarcasm too):
“Every other person is your close friend.” -> “Your phone was busy. Oh! You must be talking to a ‘very close friend’ …” -> “So, what is your no. of close friends, now?” etc. etc.

3) Most people I know find it hard to believe that there exists even a single soul who does not want people who left or lost over years  to be back in their lives. But there are such people – and I know some of them.

Life without sight?

2 Sep

Finally – a long pending post! This time, I decided to put up a post by a fellow blogger and friend Pranav, who blogs about his passions (reading, charity, travel and fitness) at Peaceful Restlessness
This post talks about a really heart touching organization – Dialogue in the dark

Here you go:

How does it feel to be blind? What is life for a blind person? Dialogue in the Dark, an organization makes us experience this. And it does open eyes.

When some of my friends came to Hyderabad, we decided to visit its centre, housed at the top floor of Inorbit Mall. The lady at the counter gave us a background of this organization and told us about the packages offered – a 1 hour exhibition tour or a tour with complete lunch/dinner. We opted for the 1 hour tour not knowing what to expect.

We were given walking sticks and asked to enter a pitch dark room. A young man introduced himself as our guide (we later found out that he was blind). And then the tour began. We passed through, or rather, felt through rooms in a house – a kitchen, a library, a storeroom. We encountered a park with trees, grass and a bench, then took a boat ride in actual water. Later we were led to a restaurant where we had tea. All this happened in a completely dark environment.

One obvious realization out of this experience is the importance of eyes in our lives. We grossly underestimate our blessings. But another lesson is how much of a visual life we lead – most of our activities (work, hobbies, entertainment) happen using eyes and we use them as primary source of reference. This was proven – for everything we felt, our minds immediately created associated images.

We also found how much we had lost touch with the other senses. In the darkness, everything else acquired more clarity and sharpness – the touch of grass on fingertips, the sound of waves lapping on the boat, even the taste of tea. Oh, and I experienced fear in all its sharpness too, when I tripped once and didn’t know what to expect ahead. 🙂

Right Choice – aha!

24 May

The thought I am penning down is not as peppy as the title suggests, but fills me with excitement and amazement every time I consciously encounter it.
I love my life and one of the biggest reasons I love it is because I have the power to make a choice.

The choice of feeling joyful, remembering good moments irrespective of all odds.
The choice of doing good and sticking to my principles and hence bringing content to myself and brightness all around.
The choice of being patient and nice even when others are being nasty.
The choice of differentiating between what is right and what is wrong.
The choice of being positive.
The choice of trusting and hoping every single second.
The choice of sticking to who and what I believe in.
Above all, the choice of being happy from within, come what may.

Every moment is all about the choice we make – to be happy and spread love and smiles or to complain and fight.
Make the right choice, baby – it is always your time!

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