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For more Ticks than Crosses

11 Aug

“Night falls fast. Today is in the past.”

– Edna St. Vincent Millay

[From her poem – Not so Far as the Forest]

 

The throbbing beats of rain in the backdrop, coffee and solitude accompanied by the enormity of these words took me to another level of ponderance and realization.

The stark brevity of time struck me like never before.

A few years back, as I entered B-school, I could not help thinking about the long path ahead and yearning – the dreams and goals seemed miles and years away. And now, after more than six years-it seems like yesterday-as if the days have passed at the snap of fingers.

This is just one example.

Really, each and everyday-how the sun rises and sets in seemingly, the blink of an eye and before we know – as we close our eyes, today has already transformed into yesterday.

Embracing the reality of such a short life, brings with it so many life-transforming insights: Living by the Day, Grabbing as many Experiences as possible, the Power of being Happy and Positive,  Loving as much and as many as one can, etc. but at the top of it all lies Discipline!

No, not the ‘Always-be-prim-and-proper-and-I-hate-fun” sort of Discipline, but the Discipline of Time: Staying up and about as much as one can-Valuing and utilizing each moment!
Because with procrastination and wasting time-one just kills their dreams and passions one by one.

Dreams are always a perhaps-and its ironical how without giving time to them, we ourselves strangle them to death and then lament the lack of time and luck and support 🙂

And with being disciplined, we end up making way for satisfaction (personally and professionally) and consequently, the other stuff – Love, Goodness, Happiness …

Rarity always precedes Preciousness. How can we be foolish enough to waste something as valuable as time, when it is so absolutely obvious?

Think and Feel.

 

P.S: I believe I realized the value of time subconsciously some months back; and made major lifestyle changes – And yes, it works: the To-Do list is endless, but there are certainly more Ticks than Crosses now 🙂

 

Accidentally, in love forever

3 May

Well, a liaison of merely two to three hours daily for the last five days – and I am in love; Deep and Profound – doing activities I never imagined, feeling an unprecedented peace of mind every afternoon – hot and sultry weather dutifully ignored.

A love, that is forever!

It is Yoga this time – circumstantially thrown into the web, I started off on a neutral note and it is not even a week, I revel in the joy of having found something I know I would love and hold on to for lifetime.

(Okay, I am all prepared for the truck load of messages saying: “I asked you to start it earlier”, “I had said so, na..”, etc. )

Holding on to a sling with the leg , head upside down – hold for ten minutes! One leg over the other at 120 degrees – come on, it is only 5 counts, supporting the kilos of weight on one leg and an elbow – oh! just a minute.
All of it is a  feat for me – Dear Yoga practitioners, please pardon my pride – but people who share my plight of unspeakable extra fat and flab with laziness thrown in, will understand.

So why all this blabber?
This sudden love story has enlightened me in the ways of the world in many more ways
(Apart from “Bas, ab main bhi patli hoke dikhaunngi…  “ Shhhhh.. that’s a secret!)

1) Lesson No. 1 – We need to have a passion in life (which does not depend on another living soul) that takes us away from the loose ends of daily living and invites us for a dive into an inner peace.
Of course, not to mention – it helps in hanging on to the last string of sanity when nothing else in life is working out.

Well, not for long but the couple of hours take me away from all worries and I would love to discover more such activities. It also feeds the need to find my personal space amidst the societal demands.

It can be Painting or TRX or Cooking or Recycling for you!

2) The cause and cure behind the worst weakness of all – Procrastination

This entire feeling of liking an activity as much to commit to it for life has given me an insight into procrastination – I have started to believe we dither tasks when we do not really enjoy an activity to the core. If we really love something, we will feel motivated and find time for it.

Hence, if you are sick of lying around with the list of to-dos – please keep trying something or other, till you discover what you love enough to stop lazing around.

3) Bottom Line – Human Beings are meant to move around and toil hard. Sitting away to glory, thanks to all the technological progress, is just going to make the after-years difficult
(This one is especially for the professionals)

We really do not know what we can do, till we try. It is important to keep believing, looking ahead and trying new things (well, this holds true for people too) because you never know what (or, who) is waiting around the corner to fill your life with some passion and become a confidante forever.

After all, life is meant to be full of passionate experiences: well lived and not merely existed!

🙂

P.S: Do post in your comments, if there is anything you have discovered to be as fulfilling or if you have gone through the same emotions on finding a new love.

The Tug of War !

1 Apr

After more than 5 years of blissful independence and exploring life and self, being at home is being in another world you knew existed but you thought you would never completely immerse into. Well, life takes you through unplanned routes once in a while – I think I can put together a chronicle on this change: the virtues and vices, the hiccups and benefits, the laughter and the sadness…

Before I start ranting, this is one of the few non-fictional posts – it is real contemplation and well, on an honest note – it feels extremely difficult to put down your very personal self in public space. For some unknown reason, I know I have to.

The last three months have seen me staying under the loving, caring gaze of my parents – this carefreeness begets self-exploration of a different kind – the kind I only read/ heard and ignored – hearing to yourself when alone and accepting it.

So, one of the biggest realizations has been the importance of people in my life – the kind you can talk to about nothing and everything and the biggest learning has been how to maintain and develop relationships.

Well, I have been blessed with absolutely wonderful people in my life, and I always appreciated that.

At the same time, I used to think I am this independent, liberated woman who can spend quality time all by herself but it all went into dumps in the past three months. I realized that I am madly and whole-heartedly dependent on my family and friends to the extent of being possessive, demanding, over-expecting and all other things people term as “insecure”. Talking to them, staying updated about their lives, craving for their time, waiting for the phone to beep – “Oh! God, please even a one-word message will do!” – became utmost important in these 3 months. Unnerving this realisation is – absolutely! Is it really me? Am I crazy? Was it me who earlier used to snigger at such behavior?
And being non-confrontational by nature just added to it.

Well, well – as many wise men have advised, accept the truth.

So, I accepted that I am not a happy loner – I need people around and then, it started feeling good. Now the difficult part.

Home alone, no deadlines, no real work, the ‘bed-food-books-movie’ routine, hence a lot of free time to wonder (yes, crave to wander too), remember, day-dream, quite some topics floating in the mind to talk and discuss and a lot of time in silence craving to be shared.

The flip-side: everyone except your parents are still living by their previous schedules and you have more time than they have. The previous perfect equation of time has turned into inequality. All it led to was self-doubt and worse still, doubt in relationships.

But then, I quickly got over it and learnt the ultimate mantra on how to maintain my relationships. When it comes to people you love, “you need to be extremely patient with them, and equally impatient with yourself.”

What? How? Why?

Yes, I am this super believer in love – every damn kind of love. And so, when it comes to your close ones, you need to be so impatient with yourself that you pursue perfection in as little time as possible with a passion little known – perfection as a friend, as a sibling, as a child, as a lover, etc., perfection such that you leave little chance of complaints, perfection that is so empowering that you know you have given the best, perfection such that the time you spend together with them is bliss of a different level – laughter and fun and memories. You become perfect in being secure, in being able to appeal to their best nature, in perfectly loving your own self to give them your best. Given that, I do believe in a little room for fights (which exist because you are “yourself”) as a part of this utopia.

And when it comes to the other person, you have to be patient enough to give some space, to let them realize their true feelings for you, to let them explore life beyond you so that they can decide for themselves, to allow them the time to unfold and see your depth of feelings for them, to let them just be and to accept them as they change when life progresses. Cliche as it may be – it is not in the amount of hours spent together but in the depth of feelings and immovable trust that relationships foster.

And of course, the best part is that now I am turning into a truly happy loner doing other things that I love, knowing deep down that I love my people and they are with me even when silent.

 

P.S: On a lighter note – Is this permanent, considering how constantly I change?

Freedom

28 Feb

Hopping on to the scooty –
for a ride in the moonlit sky;
Hair unkempt,  dressed in pajamas –
Hogging to heart’s content in that upscale hotel

Listening to those songs just to cry
Dancing in the rain, no care for those party clothes
Feeling glory in being a one-man fan club
Hugging in a crowd without any hiccup

Meaning praises even for the egotist blokes
Embracing feelings as they unfold
Expressing love without remorse
Confessing weaknesses – no fear of loss

Charades of abuses – no regret, no fear
Crying to your heart’s content –
Accepting mistakes of the past
Then moving on in full gear

Being what you please,
Only yourself to appease
Following your soul, discovering our skills
Living to experiment all you will

Looking straight into eyes’ that pry –
Not having to live in the sly
Voice mirroring what lies inside
All of it is freedom sans any guise.

Badtameez Dil !

14 Feb

A short auto ride from home to office … less than 2 km … You pay the auto driver – rush into the office building – screaming high-spirited Good Mornings and Hellos across the room, all buckled up to take the day by storm and woo the toughest of the clients with your skills  …

Switch on the computer – type in the password – reach out for your bag –  “Damn! Shit! How can it be?” – you squeal.

You cannot locate your mobile phone – An instant – and each of those positive emotions change into PANIC! … You frantically search your bag, pockets, dial the number again and again – switched off – mentally rehearse your journey from leaving home to reaching office the millionth time to ensure that you were carrying the phone in the auto. You gather a crowd of people with your drama – 

And by now panic compounds into DISTRESS !!

I am sure you can relate to that feeling – as if the clock has stopped ticking, you feel handicapped and lost and think how are you ever going to make it through the next few days and more !!

To my utter dismay, I am great at losing things and have gone through the above scene quite a few times!!

And the most humorous episode (in hindsight, of course) was when I actually could not hold back my tears while in office – that was the sort of attachment I held to the little gizmo! 

My ‘oh! so emotional’ excuse was : “It held my memories – precious photographs, messages from loved ones, blah, bah, blah.”
And I am sure, this is the case with a lot of people today.

And still more humorous part is that ironically, I do not even remember those photographs or messages today 🙂

On the other hand, I have vivid memories of the best moments of my life – to the extent that as and when I want, I can relive them as if they are happening right in front of me, with me – I can sometimes, in my fantasies, travel back in time even to when I was five or six !! 

Rolling in the rain, Papa patting away to sleep, the crazy photo-shoot with friends, the compliments, that special message, the romance with nature (with the chirping birds intact), seeing your sister as a bride, mummy’s special smile reserved for you, look and feel of love in those eyes, the first book, the best jalebis .. well, the list has no end.

Ah! And how I felt I lost a chunk of my heart when I lost that phone

This tiny realization reaffirms my belief that it is not in the overt where life and love lies – Real people, Real experiences,Real stories, Real talks and Real emotions – those make home in our hearts forever – doors of memories ready to be knocked, whether we are with others or when solitary so that we can relive the times and those words again in our minds, through our imagination – our inner lenses! The moments that take us into haven of day-dreams!

And those are real memories that transcend time – captured forever in our sub-conscious, not the ones captured in a gadget.

Jee, Dil toh badtameez hai – Bina samjhe boojhe – kaheen bhi kuchh pal ke liye cheezon se dil laga leta hai !

🙂

So, at the end of the each day, go pull yourself away from the demons of daily ordeal you may have faced and make sure you gather moments to be treasured your whole life. Of course, do not forget to gift others some memories too … !

 

P.S: It is just a co-incidence that it’s the day for celebrating love (pun absolutely intended)

“D_______”

25 Jan

This seven letter word that starts from ‘D’

Ask anyone the meaning of the word, and you get different answers:

The physics geek says it implies “moving energy”.
The economist would say it describes the  ever-changing macro/micro environment.
The employer seeks this attribute while recruiting and the interviewee makes sure that he displays this particular trait while stating his positives.
It is applicable to electric, magnetic as well as computer technology
The spiritualist uses the word to describe the energy within us and surrounding us
The publicists make sure the new actor displays it on-screen or in papers.

You can use it anytime, anywhere to any advantage 😛

.

.

.

.

.

The all pervasive – Dynamic!

Here’s hoping people not only use it when they are at a loss of words/knowledge on any aspect but be truly dynamic in their thoughts and actions, get ahead of “What is” and create stepping-stones for the “new”.

Amen!

Simply Stupid

20 Jan

Dance in the park,
Hop with the unknown kids,
A simple game of ring-around-a-rosy;
Or build your own land of fantasy.
Try being simply stupid.

Put on the yellow hat
with the pajamas and purple tee;
Who said you have to match it?
Ripples in the placid…
How fun it is- just try being simply stupid.

Amidst the wooden panels and sophistication
Spread your hands,
Glide across the bay to the board room;
Oh, for once shun the overt elegance, the formal cocoon;
Try being simply stupid.

Stop the car-give him a lift
An interesting chat on the way;
You may become friends forever..
I know, full of caution you used to be,
Listen to your heart and try being simply stupid.

Dark today could mean light tomorrow,
Question what is;
Armed with belief, stretch your faith
Who cares what would they say
Plate full of delicious opportunities and different tastes,
If you just try being simply stupid.

😀

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